I had a discussion with a friend of mine. Her husband works in Saudi Arabia as a Mechanical Engineer. It's been a couple of years since they took this decision after approximately 9 months of working quiescence -he was fired from his job due to company's cutbacks-.
I was thinking about the distance and how this affects not only the couple's but all the family's bonding.
The first positive reactions of finding a job with a really good remuneration package succeeded the practical issues.
Should the family follow or not ?
In my friend's case, they decided not to follow and stay back home. For many reasons. The main reason was the country. For a European family the conditions in a country like Saudi Arabia are much different and objectively speaking it's not the easiest place to adjust and be adapted as I was writing in my yesterday's article. Of course there are international schools and very luxurious or comfortable compounds, but yet the laws and rules for a woman differentiate a lot from the European/Western ones.
Apart of the deep cultural differences, there are other issues, as safety for example, to be taken into consideration. There are companies for example that suggest to husbands (in a discreet or not way) not to bring their families with them due to unstable conditions (like high level of criminality, wars, violation of human rights, etc).
However, no matter what the conditions are, the issue of the distance and how this affects couple's/family's bonding is still a catch.
How could a couple overcome this problem ? The financial instability is usually the main reason of leaving one country hoping to create something better for the family in another one. This is the substance and the core concept.
But very soon so many matters pop-up. The husband has to immediately start be productive and adapted to the new circumstances and suddenly to learn how to live without his loved ones. On the other side, the wife has again to adjust to the new conditions. First of all, she has to handle the psychological support of the children missing their dad and trying to understand the new "rules". Furthermore a really heavy weight on her shoulders is the full responsibility for everything concerns children-home-family. Let's accept it. It's much different when we are talking about a shared responsibility and it's much different when someone has it 100%. There is always the worry, the guilt, the anxiety. At the same time, a woman should support her husband who's away of his family. Those things are not easy at all, and whoever has passed it may very well understand. Being at the same time mom & dad and at the same time the dad becoming a part-time dad is a big issue in all family members' lives.
Fortunately, in our days technology helps through video calls and smart cell phones. About 25-30 years ago when my dad was an expat, things were really hard. We could see him once in a year for approximately 10-15 days, and waiting for his call (he was living in a ship in a harbor in Saudi Arabia) once, maximum twice a month (no cell phones or video calls...).
From my side, yes, as a child I have lived what I am describing above. I have seen my mom losing her role. I have seen my dad losing the "touch" with us. I have seen the family changing.
In any case and as I said before, fortunately things are much better, technology helps and things are not so "harsh" as it used to be.
But no matter what kind of technology someone use, what really helps is the family not to forget its role and try to overcome the difficult parts of this "separation" with mutual encouragement, support and understanding from all parties to all parties.
