Love-Expats... Love without borders (literally !)

Good afternoon !

Love is in the air, Love is all around, Love is travelling and relocating and becomes an expat!

There are so many reasons one's making the decision to change country : career, money, retirement, health, education, etc.  All of the reasons just mentioned have something in common : logic arguments, circumstantial thoughts, profound analysis.  Additionally, there are tons of "to do" lists, "not to forget", "pros and cons"...

However, there is a specific expats' category demolishing myriads of plans, "how to" articles, entire farewell parties, induction procedures... 

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to present you the honorees of our today's discussion :

LOVE EXPATS !

Don't you really agree that this category needs a special "treatment" ?

As a definition, love expats are those who follow their heart, leaving everything behind them for their -so supposed- other half.  Brave decision indeed, with a strong, unclassified, and unbowed character, this choice is the riskiest yet the most powerful of all in regards with relocation.

Although such an action can bring us to tears because of its supreme romanticism,  it should be ruled by some down to earth thoughts in order this love to survive and last...

First of all, are you BOTH ready for such a big move ?  We are not just talking about moving-in together in the other side of the city.  The picture here is much bigger.  Relocating to another country already creates a mess to all aspects of life.  Let alone to deal with each other's habits !  Have you ever done your "test drive" to see how would it go? Big changes and all together, the relationship should be based in strong foundations or in crazy, unconditional passion (what..?)

Additionally, there are career and money issues.  What does "follow my partner" mean in practice ?  Should you quit your career ?  Are there career potentials for you in that country ?  Who will support you-financially speaking- ?  Is your partner ready/willing to do something like that ?  And what about your needs ?  Are you absolutely ready to accept that for a period of time, you may be jobless ?  And something else :  should you move to a country your partner has some relatives or are you planning to move to a "neutral" country ?  Consider how you would feel in both cases, i.e. when you know nobody and you have no strings attached whereas this could be your partner's country.   Of course, this could be a less challenging situation; actually, this could be a supportive one, even more when you should learn a new language or loneliness and home-sickness knocks our door.

I don't want to pinch your balloon, I'm just trying to be the speak of the devil, because actually this expat category, is my favorite one, and I would really wish everyone who follows his/her heart not to regret it and after many-many years all this spontaneous reaction, to be a story emotional enough to create sighs to its listeners... !

Is the grass really greener out there ...? Great Expectations

Good afternoon !

Sometimes I feel so confused about the "expat situation".   You see, I speak with a lot of people, either expat-wannabes, ready-to-go or already-been-there and there are so many stories I hear before-during-after their expat life.

The truth is that relocation is a complete upside down of all our life.  Not even one part of it can't be affected.  Usually, the decision includes a better position and/or a better salary, perhaps an attractive relocation package -all expenses covered- creating totally acceptable dilemmas and deep thoughts.  This is the time where long, very long, very-very long lists pop-up from everywhere; pros and cons list, schools' list, homes' list, move list, to do list, etc.

The point is that after the first reactions and worries, the time to announce the news to family and friends arrives. Some of us maybe organize a farewell party and spill the beans there.  This is the time where -suddenly- all the "pros and cons" of the previous list become "super-incredible pros and challenges easy to be managed..." as we analyze our future situation to everyone in order to convince them about our fluffy-cloudy-dream life we are about to live from now on.

The question here is if we really want to convince others about how well things gonna be or ourselves ...

Ok, it's normal.  Having the responsibility of making the right decision that would affect our lives and our family's lives is something really scary, isn't it indeed? 

I've seen this so many times.  We desperately have the unbridled need to exclude from our mind or sight any negative thought idealizing everything around our relocation and consider the new beginning as a timer; that everything will start from point 0; that somehow everything happened till now won't happen again; that every problem will be solved in a magic way; that we will also be brand-new in some way... and we desperately need everyone around us not only to believe it but to support it and maaaaybe to be a little bit envy about our great luck !

The above "procedure" is repeated during our relocation and of course after our repatriation.

Everything will / is / was PERFECT !

But it won't be.  It won't be perfect and nowhere will be perfect because that's life and that's normal.  There is nothing wrong on realizing that there will be things "not as we expected to be".  All conditions will be definitely different.  There will be times that we will face situations similar to the ones of our homeland whereas other times something funky.  In any case we should accept and be prepared for the fact that "Yes, this step is for the best, BUT there might be bad times and troubles as if everywhere.  The sooner we accept it and lower our expectations the better we will be adopted to the new situation and we will experience all aspects of our new life.

"World education ... And what about grammar and algebra ?" - Choosing the right school

Good afternoon !  I hope you all enjoy a wonderful Sunday !

We are in the heart of the summer, yet for some of us the summer has arrived to its end or it ends soon, since the time is limited to chose a school for their kids.  Deciding to relocate is one issue.  Deciding on which school to register your kid is another.  Yet though, there are so many parameters to take into consideration...

Time Restrictions

Many schools give an admission deadline for January before the beginning of new school year.  In the case of expat families though, there is the possibility of a late enrollment. 

But what about your side ? It's ok if for example you accept a job offer let's say in Spring or early Summer.  There is plenty of time to prepare yourself and the children, make an easy-going research about schools, house etc.  There is even the time to travel (at least if we are talking about the same continent) at least once or twice to arrange all the procedures, to visit local schools and walk the neighborhoods you have initially chose through the internet.

Even if you accept a job offer in the middle of the school year, let's say in January, again there is the solution to make "partial moves".  One leaves, the rest of the family follows when school year finishes.

But what if you accept a job offer end of July or mid August...? Hmmmm....  Too long for half of the family to stay back and pay all the expenses X 2, too short notice to have everything in order until 1st of September for the first school bell !  So ? What are you doing then?  One solution would be to chose the "partial" move as we said before, if of course you can afford it.  The other solution could be not to waste a single second and start running... !  BUT, run in an effective way and not like a headless chicken !

What I mean is that spare a moment and write down the core issues setting up your top priorities : Home and Schools.  Map the zone you will move.  Where is you job ? How do you plan to move every day ?  Are there homes/schools there or is your work in an industrial zone ?  What is the closest city/village, are there schools there ? what kind of schools ?  check also if there is a ranking system.  That would be really helpful for your choice.  Calculate distances and take into consideration traffic and unpredictable conditions into consideration.

Financial Restrictions

What if there are no public schools close to your job or what if the schools you found are of low level and you have to chose a private or international school ?  Bingo... !  Again, it depends.  For example, there are companies paying the school fees for their employees when transferred abroad.  Some other companies include home and school expenses in their relocation packages; of course there is also the category of the companies paying nothing than the salary.  In that case, you could either chose a long distance ride to your work or a home education.

Quality Restrictions

Let's say you have the time to be prepared-or not-, you have the money -or not- and you find out there are no schools with adequate educational system.  What then?  In this case, the reply is not so easy.  Either you check the level of "inadequacy" those schools are and you decide, or you chose home education, meaning discipline, time and a huge effort.

Language Restrictions

What happens now If your kid doesn't speak the local language and either you don't afford or you want for your reason to chose a public school?  Fortunately, as experts say, children are like sponges and within 3 months, the majority of expat kids are able to speak the local language and they face no educational issues both in their school and social life.  Additionally, for private schools- there is the possibility to register your children in extra language supporting courses.  In the case of a public school, if you see that your kids need extra help, you could always address to the local expat community where you could find private teachers to help.

From all the above, it's needless to say that the decision about a school is a riddle to solve taking a lot of factors into consideration.  If you have the time, make a deep research, contact the schools and plan your visits.  If not, make a very strict filtering and proceed the soonest possible.  

In any case and under all circumstances the key here is to be calm in order to make the wisest decisions for you and your children.

"Play it safe !" - Expats and Criminality Levels

Hello !

Something that is kinda worries me is the safety issues in a country.

The truth is that there is always the fear of the unknown.  No matter where the compass shows, one of the issues to be taken into very serious consideration is safety.  In some countries there are cities with x criminality levels, whereas in other countries there is a more generalized risk in the whole country.

I remember once, trying to help a friend moving from Europe to an Asian country, I was reading one article after the other and entering the one online forum after the other in order to figure out if that country was finally safe or no.  You see, the opinions were diverged and there was not something in the middle.  The comments were either too bad or dithyrambic !  That was crazy ! 

From "don't even consider moving there" to "you should absolutely move here, living heaven....!"

Criminality though is  everywhere.  The difference is that in some cases happens more than in some others.  Furthermore, whatever refers to criminality also depends on us.  

For instance, if we have a warning about not to keep too much money with us or to avoid specific zones during the night, or to avoid keeping our passport all the time with us, etc then we should follow the guides and play it safe.  Τhe adventurous spirit is not so wise or clever when the consequences may at least be an unpleasant incident or at most could cost a life....

Take any precautions, in advance of course.  If we feel unsafe or if we have doubts about the country or the city we are about to move and we cannot find a reliable source to understand what's the real situation there, we should go official.  Calling or visiting an embassy we could ask everything we need.  There, they would provide us with accurate information, of how to protect ourselves and how to avoid something that would make us feel insecure and destroy our whole view about our new homeland.

Play it safe in any case...  and as they say... "better save than sorry.. "

"They're finally here !" .... Missing your home food ?

Hello !

Have you ever came over all misty-eyed in front of a super market shelve on the sight of your favorite cookies ?

Have you cheered up in the view of this specific sauce you were using at your BBQ parties when you were in your home country ?   I don't know about you, but I have done this !  Of course, I am not the typical example as I love cooking and nice food, but again...  I am pretty sure that any expat could complete a long list of missing foods, chocs, biscuits, drinks...   on the spot ! 

Missing the food and tastes we were used to all those years in our country is more than usual.  It happens every time.  We tend to enter a super market in our new homeland, seeking to find exactly the same products (needless to say also aligned in the same way as in our previous supermarket...).

It's also normal, foods and tastes to remind us home, to bring us memories; who could deny that, as a philosophy, food is a social action ? We link food with family gatherings, joys and sorrows, successes and failures...

This time, I will only give you the following tips that I would definitely follow :

1. Do not accept any visit to your new home from a friend or relative UNLESS if he brings the maximum amount of your favorite snacks he is allowed to with him.

2. Try to order online (if it is legal of course !)

3. Save to your piggy bank for those products (in some countries the prices are extremely high...)

4. Last but not least : Forget what I have told you before about food and sharing.  This does not apply in that case.  

IF you find them, DON'T share them !  :) 

Just enjoy them !!!

"Life is a Highway..." sure... as long as you know how to drive ! Driving abroad... Fasten your seatbelts please !

Hello !

The first time I found myself in Cyprus, I followed all the routine I follow each time during my business trips; I picked-up my luggage and went directly to the rentals' booth where I gave my reservation code and waited for the clerk to proceed to the necessary arrangements so to pick-up my car.

This specific time though, there was a sliiiiight difference that I had unintentionally forgotten.  There was no stirring wheel !!!  

Well....  actually there was one, but... it was on the other side of the car !

In Cyprus, as well as in the UK, some countries in Africa, Japan, Australia, India (and some other countries) the steering wheel is on the right part of the car and not on the left....

Having respected the clerk's mental health, I didn't show anything in regards with my surprise and temporary loss of memory...

I pretended that I opened the left door just to put my purse and proudly walking, I went on the other side to finally enter the right-proper- side of the car...

I was waiting the clerk to leave in order to re-organize my mind and calm down.  At this point, I would like to tell you that -objectively speaking- I am a good and experienced driver (no accidents, no penalties, no tickets).  So, I recalled all this experience and started the engine.  I said  to myself that, until I used to it, it should be better to drive slow and safe on the right side of the road as a prudent and wise-thinking driver... 

Don't laugh !  Please don't... ! (actually, I am laughing too commemorating that day...!)

I think you can imagine how the story goes...  

Driving on the right side, admiring the tranquility of the green environment and the light breeze entering my window..... gross horns behind and aside me destroyed all this idyllic situation; like a pinch in a balloon !

Furthermore, the heehaw horns were accompanied by opening hands in full extension (no... they weren't saluting me...!)

I was shocked, as I couldn't understand what was happening, until one driver, together with the previous "listening-signing driving lessons", decided to offer me an extra oral lesson ... : "@#%$@% if you want to go like a turtle drive on the left...!" 

Furious by this unacceptable and terribly rude behavior, I was ready to reply to this man as he deserved, when I suddenly realized what was happening ! 

I bounced on my seat like a spring !!! OMG !!!!  Blushed and shamed, I started mumbling "I am sorry sir, I am terribly sorry..." 

Actually, I am pretty sure he didn't even heard of my apologies...  Anyway, he ....saluted me (as previously explained...) and left !

Ok, the point here is one : Before entering a country, if you want to drive, check in advance everything about local regulations, safety and legislation.  If this is the most common difference among "driving cultures" there are also other kind of restrictions; in some countries for example, women are not allowed to drive.  Check about the validity of the driving licence in another country, the insurance (what covers outside your country), useful phone numbers in both the country of origin and the country you are moving and be prepared for anything unexpected, i.e. make sure that you have all that necessary in case of an incident. 

Being prepared and driving wise will make you enjoy your rides -and avoid any tickets of course-!  

Have fun !

Relocating with Teens.... Oups.... !

Hello !

Today I am starting with a very simple question : "Have you ever tried to move your teenager out of his/her room..?"

"Yes?" 

"Ok..."

Now, can you imagine moving your teenager to another home-city-country with new home-friends-school-life, etc...?

Aha.... I thought so....   Are those beads of sweat in your face...? Hmmmm.....

Don't panic ! I'm just joking (or maybe not....?)

The truth is that as we enter this preparation whirlpool sometimes we may forget something important from our lengthy checklist.

What is that ?  Participation !

We tend to forget that relocation concerns everyone in the family and affects the family members all and each one individually at the same time.

Teens is a very sensitive and fragile period where "fitting in", social life and friends are above all.  

So, it is more than normal, when disturbing this already "choppy" balance, to receive nothing but negative reactions.

What to do ?  Here are some tips I believe they could be helpful :

a. All family should know about this thoroughgoing change, so prepare in a simple but honest way the reasons you made this decision.

b. Prepare your arguments : Grosso modo, you know what kind of reactions to expect. Don't be caught off guard !

c.  Present it as an adventure, as a way to meet new culture, people, friends, etc.  

d. Explain that this is something that all the family will face together, since it is something new for all.

e. Seize the opportunity of relocation to spend even more time together :  Gather information about the country you're about to move; find any sports, arts, malls, cinemas, etc., various activities that would suit your teen's interests close to the place you're about to stay.

f. Find blogs or expat forums, maybe expat teen forums to warm up the whole situation exchanging information, replying to their queries, maybe create the first bases of new friendships etc.  

No need to expatiate further.  The point here is to make all the members part of the procedure. Accept everyone's -no matter the age- worries and try to quell them with facts. In this way, the more information the less anxiety and reactions for the unknown.

p.s.  And not to forget it !  There is also a chance, your teenager to be thrilled about relocation and even happier than you !!!

Is you piggy bank full ...? Expat Savings !

Hello, hello !

There are many, many reasons when making the decision to relocate.  Without a doubt, among the tops in this list is the financial one.  Additionally, we use it as a strong argument -rational of course- for such a decision.

Lately, I am reading one article after the other, in which it is mentioned that -surprisingly ! - expats fail to save...

The grounds for that is something amazing according to those articles !  So, it is said that holidays spirit is the main reason of expats not saving !

Honestly speaking, I haven't thought about it, however there is a reasonable base to that point.

In previous articles, we discussed about "openness", "adventurous spirit", "socializing", all things that would be considered as given in our country.  

During our "exploring" phase, we may tend to spend more money in entertainment, for instance dine in restaurants rather than our home more than we used to; or adopt a more easygoing attitude thinking of our higher paycheck - in other words "right here - right now".

It's ok to do it, but not for so long...  As we said, we have to relax, enjoy our new life, be open, discover the new place and do whatever necessary to be integrated and feel good in this new homeland.  But.... there is always a but ha ...?  Yes, the catch here is to balance things.  We shouldn't forget the rainy days and the reason we relocated.  Nobody said to act as Scrooge McDuck, but on the other hand, don't be like a strainer !

Let's keep the balance right and our piggy bank full !

Brave Expats ! Set up / Expand our business abroad

Hello everyone !

If moving to another country as an employee would deserve ten times a thought, setting up a business abroad would deserve more than a hundred...

Setting up a business could be something totally new or could be even an expansion, a branch.  In any case, all scenarios need a deep research, since apart of the personal issues to be arranged, there are many parameters, business-wise, to be seriously and profoundly evaluated.

First of all, there is an obvious question : Why ?  Why should we do it ?  Of course, this generates further questions :  Have we scented an opportunity ?  Do we have a unique idea that could be sold in the specific's country target group ? Do we have many customers in that country, etc ? 

It is self-proving that all the above questions lead to one word : research (yes, I know... research again ) !

Consider this :  As an employee, we could modify a lot of things, i.e. change house, job, city, another country, etc.  As a business owner, our moves are limited.

Let's see some basic tips and hints in order to be sure that we don't forget the basics !

• Legislation : Before any other move, this is the first we should check :  Are we eligible and under which conditions to set up a business abroad ?  There are countries that a non-citizen should absolutely have a local partner who should own the 51% of the company's shares !  Some other countries require a minimum investment in order to allow a business set up, etc.  

• Country's Taxation :  Imports, Exports, VAT, various reports and fees that should be paid, etc., should be acknowledged in advance. Those costs should be taken into consideration, since they could affect our profit and our company's viability.  We should try to find a professional accountant/consultant in order to avoid any penalties.

• Business Plan :  A professional business plan is the absolute need and the ultimate tool. SWOT analysis, Competition, Market Segmentation, Positioning, Promotion, etc.  This plan will show us the way.  It will show us how and if we should do it. 

• Financial Resources :  A business always contains a risk percentage.  We have to be sure that we have not only the minimum financial resources to start our business, but a surplus to support our business attempt and personal expenses at least for the first year.

As we can easily understand setting up a business abroad needs a deep research and preparation.  We should also be prudent and double-check everything before we begin.  Above all we need to be absolutely sure for this -brave- step !  Good luck !

Expat Pets ! - "Will we take the dog-cat-canary-turtle... with us " ?

Good afternoon !

as all the other issues, taking our pets abroad should be planned and carefully organized as all the other important points we have already mentioned in this blog.

Depending on the country we relocate, we have to check in advance (always in advance !) the relevant rules and take them into serious consideration.  In this way not only do we avoid any unpleasant surprises but we ensure that we do the best for our pet.

Some tips:

1. Check the country's relevant legislation.  What are the rules to enter a pet from another country ?  What kind of documentation is it necessary to accompany our pet?

2. Make a decision on how the pet will be transferred.  Car/Train/Plane/Ship ?  For each of this (specially when travelling by public transportation), there are specific-strict rules that should be absolutely taken into consideration.

3. Be sure that both the landlord of the new home and the county you are moving to, accept pets.  In case of some extra necessary documentation, take care to have them too.

4. Make your research in regards with vets, groomer, pet shops, areas to walk your pet,  etc in the zone you are moving.

5. After the above, visit your vet in order to help and guide you issue all the necessary documentation.  It would be better to have extra copies of all those documents.  In case you should translate them to another language, issue more copies and be sure that they all have the formal stamps and signatures according to the guides you follow.  Furthermore, ask your vet to give you some more hints on how travelling could be easier for your pet.

For further information, you can always consult the local authorities and it would be better to follow only authorized guides in order to be sure that you don't miss anything.

Of course, you could always put your questions here and we will be more than happy to help with accurate information !

Expat tantrums... Keep Calm !

Hello !

As an expat there are several issues to take into consideration before arriving at our new homeland, during our arrival, etc.  However, there are some things, maybe important ones maybe small, trifling ones that can test our temper...

The truth is that no matter how much prepared and organized we are, not all the situations could be anticipated.

For example if we come from a high-tech, super-organized country and we relocate to a super bureaucratic one, that could easily drive us crazy !

Being sure that we have accidentally entered a roller coaster when being used to drive in a calm, relaxed way in our country, could also offer us generous doses of panic attacks...!

If we are raised with a Mediterranean "tamperamento" and we have relocated to a less open and friendly society where our behavior could easily be misunderstood, again that could give us a good headache to deal with it.... 

The truth is that there maybe hundreds of reason to upset us : behaviors, too cold/hot weather, slow/furious drivers, bureaucracy, lack of shops, specific products, etc.

Even if we cannot be prepared for all of them, in this case we can be prepared for just one : for the unexpected !  So, the only thing is never to forget having our humor with us (and some patience and some courage and a glass of wine back home ! )

p.s. I hope the Muslim friends not to misunderstand me (about the wine).  Take it as an expression !

Practicing our religion as an expat

Good afternoon all !

Earlier in this blog we have mentioned the cultural differences between countries and how we deal with them.

However, even if we could beat and overcome some behavioral distinctions, religion could be a stand-alone category.

Practicing our religion as expats is an interactive situation.  It depends on our beliefs and our "devotion level" and of course it depends on our new homeland's official religion and its tolerance of letting other individuals to freely express and practice their religion or conviction.

There are countries, supporting the right of secularism, giving the chance to every individual to practice their religion without any kind of discrimination.  In some other countries, with really strict religion rules, expats and in general citizens with other beliefs do not have the right to practice their faith openly.  Furthermore, items and articles belonging to other religions are prohibited.

Moreover, those governments do not let clergy of other religions into the countries for conducting religious services (that means no Christian baptisms, weddings, etc by official clergy).  Celebrations such as Christmas, Diwali and Onam are marketed by some retail outlets offering specials and selling decoration and foods for these occasions.

In order to handle this delicate situation, as we know, communities do gather in private homes for worship.   

Again, the solution is one : To be prepared and make our research.  Since we are the "newcomers", since religion rights and equality are not a precondition to all nations, we should take those issues into consideration or we could find ourselves in serious trouble.  If we consider that expressing our religion rights weighs too much to our decision, we have always the option very simply and honestly to reject a job.  Otherwise, we should respect our new homeland's rules.  If a country is a tolerant one, that's great !  If not, we should try to get in contact with the local expat community in order to see in which way we could practice our religion in a discrete and respectful way.

"As healthy as a horse" - and what happens IF ...? Expats and Healthcare. Be prepared !

Good afternoon !

In all likelihood, if you are in the phase of packing for your new homeland or if you are already there, I believe you have already your medical record with recent medical exams with you and even more they are already translated in the country's official language.

Even if the results of those medical exams show that you are as healthy as a horse, even the most innocent flu may cause you a disruption to the procedure either to take some medication or to visit a doctor or a hospital.

Each country has its own healthcare system with specific services provided and there are clear differences that you should absolutely know before you need them. So while a country healthcare system may offer services free of charge, another one may use private insurance companies. 

Do not go unprepared and as in the case of private insurance companies the premiums could be quite dear, you should take into consideration both the cost issues you have to face and your rights and responsibilities as a policyholder, especially one by a foreign country.

It is important to ensure that you and your family have the appropriate healthcare provisions in place.  This should be a priority and there is no sense to "do it later". As I mentioned above, even the simplest accident or cold could cost you hundreds or thousands of pounds/euro/dollars if you are uninsured.  Be sure once again, that you make this research in advance, so to have all the time you need and budget any possible cost.  Take as many information as possible, ask help from the company you're going to work or from other expats (visit online expat forums, or contact the local expat community, etc).

Among all the issues you should take into consideration before relocating, how you and your family will be covered for any medical condition should be on top of your priorities.

"Prevention is better than cure" - Literally and figuratively ! 

"Should I shake my head horizontally or vertically ?" - Cultural Differences are here !

Hello everyone !

from the title you may have guessed what am I gonna tell you about.

Some of you may have already started laughing whereas some others may have started mumbling "...oh my God..." in the memory of an awkward - shameful situation that may have found yourselves...

It is important to recognize that people from different cultures are different in a variety of ways, including :

• different ways of looking at things
• different ways of dressing
• different ways of expressing personality/goodness

For example :

• Shaking your head horizontally, in most countries means "no", but in India it means "yes".
• Laughing is read as a sign of happiness in the majority of the countries, while in Japan it is a sign of confusion, insecurity and embarrassment.
• In Russia, when a man peels a banana for a lady it means he has a romantic interest in her.
• In many countries, showing the thumb up means "everything's ok", where in some Islamic countries it is considered as a rude sexual sign !
• In Africa, saying to a female friend that she has put on weight since the last time you've seen her, it means she is physically healthier than before, but in Europe, America and Australia, this could be considered as an insult !
• In the US, a firm, short handshake indicates self-confidence and (heterosexual) masculinity. A limp handshake by a man can be interpreted (usually wrongly) as a sign of homosexuality or wimpiness. But in most parts of Africa, a limp handshake is the correct way to do it. Furthermore, it is common in Africa for the handshake to last several minutes, while in the US a handshake that is even a few seconds too long is interpreted as familiarity, warmth and possibly sexual attraction.
• In Britain, men do not look at women on the streets. The French do. Recently, a French public figure mentioned in a speech that the Brits are all gay -- the evidence was their lack of overt interest in women.

Ok, some of us may have faced awkward situations where we unintentionally offended someone else and embarrassed ourselves.  Those things happen.  And some times it's a way to tease a colleague or a friend for his gaffe for a looong time.  However, things could also turn into something really bad.

Apart of the funny side of the story, paying attention to customs and cultural differences can really give us better chances of acceptance by the local community.  On the contrary, ignoring them not only could leave us in the sideline but unsuspectingly could get us into trouble.

As tourists in other countries or continents, we find it intriguing, amusing and part of our exploration to learn some things about this country's culture and every day habits.

And generally speaking, our tourist status could mitigate a cultural mistake.

But as new residents of a country aiming to the locals' embrace, we should be more careful in the basis of both being respectful and avoid any difficult situation.

We should realize that behavior and gestures are interpreted differently not only among continents or countries but also among cities.  

So, let's do our homework in advance and be in the limelight !

Leaving back elderly parents

 

Good evening!

Among other factors to be taken into consideration when deciding about relocation, a serious one is leaving back elderly parents.  Another dilemma on the basis "Should I stay or should I go?"  

Not an easy decision to make indeed.  

There are people saying that "I have to live my life, as my parents did".  I don't fully agree with that but I have to respect that there is this point of view too.

Some others again, reject great opportunities in order to stay back.  Yet again, I am not so sure about it too.

As I have read once, "we are the meat in the sandwich" - we are between our parents and our families. From one point of view when an opportunity arises, you take it.  For your families' good, for your children's better future, for many reasons.  You know them better.  From another point of view, together with the opportunity, the guilty feelings arise....  Especially in the case of an illness, without a doubt we are torn in two...

I suppose it all depends on what you really want to do and why.  For example, is this opportunity really great / unique ?  If yes, you shouldn't miss it.  Besides, we never know when something -good/bad- will happen.  When something happens we will deal with it.  We can always have in our mind some possible upcoming situations and be as prepared as possible.  For instance, we could have a relevant clause in our business contract (if possible of course) for a "special occasions' leave", or to save some money for any unexpected occurrences happen.

I know that in some countries there are greatly organized retirement villages with really upgraded services of high standards.  There, one retiree could feel both independent, secure and active.  In some other countries, there are companies, with specialized professionals visiting elderly people taking care of their medicines, their food and running their errands.  Obviously, there are cases with no possibility of paying those services and one should rely on neighbors' and friends' good will.

More than normal to feel that someone else taking care of our parents is not the best choice neither for us nor for our parents.  

If this could be somehow relieving, consider that the world has become even more smaller with cheaper and more convenient air travel.  So, unless having relocated to the other side of the world, visiting parents could be really cost effective and easy with an timely planning.

Of course, it goes without saying that feeling guilty is inevitable! At the same time, this feeling could not let you act objectively and make the right decisions.  And this is something neither your family nor your parents would like. 

Consider your options and weigh the consequences.  

Leaving your country for a better future does not mean that your are leave - abandon your parents and that you neglect them.  

Discuss with them explaining in an honest and open way everything you think, even if they consider that your anxieties are overblown.  Since parents tend not to tell what they need, be prepared to bend their cagey attitude.  

Here, I don't think there is a "good" and a "bad" choice.  Just try to do the best for them and also be sure that it is not possible everybody to be happy.

Above all, the substance of the family is the bond and the mutual support.  Everything could be solved.  As they say, "where there is will there is the way".

Dealing with my new "friend" : Loneliness

Good afternoon all !

Earlier this morning, I received a message from a friend, recently relocated to Edmonton, Canada.  Surprised by the time of the message due to the time zone, I was carefully reading her message where she was describing all about the new facts in her life.  Everything was fine according to what I was reading, but... I felt that something was not.  I decided to give her a video call in order to watch and listen to her.

She was really excited and after a torrential and detailed narration of her everyday life, she paused.  I was waiting her to continue, but nothing...  Suddenly, she burst into tears !
I didn't know what to do and how to react... ! (not so easy through a screen....).
Trying to calm her down, I wanted to understand what have caused this "explosion".
After a while she sprung the story...  Yes, everything was as it was expected to be.  The country, the city, the house, her job...
So, what was wrong ?
She was feeling lonely.  Realizing that the distance could not allow her short trips combined with the difference in time zone not being able to contact her friends and family as usual, created this reaction.

Indeed, relocation is something really exciting as a procedure, but there are also some hidden "side effects", especially when someone is single.  When families move altogether, things are not so bad, since one supports each other until they find their place in the local community.  In the case of a single expat though, it's truth that loneliness could knock your door.

Not everybody can be prepared but could think that this may happen.  The issue here is if you will either choose loneliness to be a friend or an enemy.
Starting from the last option, in the case of feeling terrible about this situation, that would result not only to make you feel blue, furthermore it would affect your general attitude against your new life.  The most likely would be to lose invaluable time and distort everything around you.

Try to find the positive part in this situation and consider this loneliness as an opportunity.  You have the chance to act totally independently, to go wherever you want - whenever you want.  Discover the neighborhood, the city, every little corner of this new area.
Don't let time passing by whining.  Grasp every minute, be open and adventurous !
Talk to the grocer-baker-butcher.  Even if you don't speak the language, I can reassure you that even a couple of words, can open doors and moreover can open your social circle.  Of course, there may be people being more conservative or coy.  It's ok.  Try to make the first step.  Small steps each time.
Greet them with an honest smile (don't be giddy !), ask them some information about the place you live.  You cannot imagine how many volunteers will you find to help you.
But as I told you, the situation will evolve step by step.  Some people are more open than others.  Some others need their time.

Be patient and grasp every opportunity to socialize and be part of the community.

In any case, respect the new environment.  Furthermore it would be perfect to learn some facts about the areas taking into consideration that this will be your new place to live.

Above all, be yourself, be honest and open to meet and know better the members of your new life.
You both deserve a chance, don't you think ?

Survival Guide to expat moms : Boost yourself with a lot of courage, patience and tons of humor !

Hello !

Remember the article where the truck was outside your PREVIOUS home and everything and everybody were ready to fly to the new country ?  Yes ?  Great !
Now, switch the image.  The truck is outside the NEW home in the new country and everything and everybody screams YOUR name to put everything and everybody in order... !
Yeap !  Sorry ladies, but... I am in the rather unpleasant situation to inform you that you don't have even a single minute to glance around.
Hands-on and start... !

Those are the first - crazy (tooooo crazy !!!) days that you cannot find the red (not the blue-yellow-white) t-shirt of your son ("no ! I want only the red!"), the favorite doll of your daughter (of course... only the specific one ...), something your husband remembered.... etc.
Ha... !  The picture is clear, isn't it...?

No matter how perfectly you have organized all about your move (colored labels, every carton in its room, etc) when you are in an empty house full of cartons and with a family around full of energy asking you to act and follow family's schedule exactly as it was a few hours ago (you know... in the PREVIOUS home-country-situation), don't tell me that you feel exactly as the twin sister of Dalai Lama...

Let's see what we can do to survive :

First of all, don't fool yourself.  No matter how many discussions you may have done before about "all family's contribution", the power of habit will rule...
But don't worry !  Keep calm and continue.   Your strongest partner in this game ?  Your sense of humor and the mother's proverbial patience.

Be Realistic.  There is no chance the house to be ready within a few hours nor within a few days. Admit it and live with it.  Don't raise the bar and don't feel guilty.  This is a complex project and you will manage it !
If you have a carton box with a label "First days' stuff" including pj's, brushes, toothpastes, clothes for the first 2-3 days for all members of the family, that's great !  Open it and then go to the kitchen to start unpacking. Don't panic... it's not necessary to prepare the meal.  You can order a pizza or go to the closest local restaurant.
Prepare the absolutely necessary. Kitchen, bathroom, sheets and blankets in the bedrooms.  If the furniture are already set, then children could start unpacking and organize their stuff (i.e. books, toys).

Check electricity and water supplies.  Charge any appliances you will need later (cell phones, laptops, etc), plug-in electrical appliances (fridge - put a few first things you will need later in the day-, stove, washing machines, etc).  Depending on the country the electricity company may be public or private, so check in advance and in any case, be sure that the date of your arrival, electricity-water-telephone-internet will all work !

Try to close your ears (a pair of earplugs would help...) to all voices like "I don't find my boooook" , "I can't find my favorite tv channeeeel", "I hate this", "I hate that", "Muuuuuuuuuuuuuum!!!"

Ok, I don't write them to panic you.  And there is nothing to be panicked about.  The picture here is not the idyllic sunset in the Maldives.  Actually, it is far far away from even looking similar.  But it's fine.  And things every day will be even better.  Just be prepared for all the mess, be prepared that you will be very tired (literally exhausted), very anxious, pressured, .............. (put in the blank the others).
But, If I may suggest something ?  Enjoy it and don't let a mountain of carton boxes and some "melodies" coming out of your children mouths to make you lose your courage and confidence.

SMILE !  A new life begins.

Expatriation & Children : THEIR point of view - How do we "sell" it ?

Good morning,

If you have children, you already know and maybe a slight laugh has already started to be formed in your face, having understood my point...

Depending on their age, starting from the age of 3-4 years old, every parent knows very well that they have a strong and exhausting negotiator in front of them !

Consider this when parents have to explain about changing home-school-friends-country-habits... !

Ok, you will tell me that we are the adults and the kids will follow.  Of course... BUT, you also know that there is no chance not to tell and suddenly pack their things and "oh ! surprise ! we are leaving the country !".

We have two small "barristers" in our house, 10 years old and 6 and a half.  Questions started in the very early stages of the phase of just thinking about this step.  They heard parts of the discussions we had with my husband, watched in my computer a page with expat information and forum, real estate agencies sites, flight itineraries...  You'll think "I didn't protect the situation".  Actually, in the beginning, I wasn't thinking about it, since nothing was definite and as I told you before, it was in the early stages of just a thought.

However, the questions started and I grasped the opportunity to see their point of view -just in case-.  I started the story very very slowly... "How would you feel IF, hypothetically speaking, we moved to another place, far away from here..?" 

They popped the first question : "Why?" 

I explained them the reasons that we have made some thoughts with their father.

The first reaction was very sharp : "No, we don't want to go anywhere.  We don't want to change anything in our lives.  This is our home-country-friends (all together) and we are fine !".

Things were not as I expected...  I had to marshal more diplomatic arguments.

So, I started talking about the "amazing museum with dinosaurs", "the incredible candies' giant store", "the schools with physics labs" reinforcing my statement with the respective informative sites in the internet.  The "enemy" started to back out... 

For a few seconds, they suspiciously looked at me and then they started firing me with myriads of quickfire questions : 

"Where are we going to go ?"

"When" ?

"Are we going to change school?"

"Can we still see our friends?"
"Can we take our dog, cat, tortoise, with us ?"

"Will we take ALL our toys, books, plants, pebbles... etc. etc., with us ?"

In this case, I "sold" it taking into consideration all the things they love and there are plenty or better or different in the new country.  You know better what would better work with your children.

However, I understood that I have made a mistake.  I talked very early.  Ideally, parents should discuss this issue with their children when situations are final.  In any case, except of specific occasions, no one lives within a week.  So, there is time to explain everything to the children and be prepared to face all their arguments, objections or worries they may have.

We have to be very clear and honest (not of course in a way to terrify them) with them.  It is better to explain that you don't have answers for all their questions and that together you will discover everything.  It's fine to make them understand that it's very normal to feel weird because, the truth is that, we feel the same way.  What we will say and how, it depends of course on the age and the personality of each child.  No matter the age, it is crucial to make our children feel safe.  If the case is that all family has to move, NO MATTER WHERE the family goes/stays, the important thing is to be TOGETHER.

How do we handle the family's separation ?

Good morning everyone !

I had a discussion with a friend of mine. Her husband works in Saudi Arabia as a Mechanical Engineer.  It's been a couple of years since they took this decision after approximately 9 months of working quiescence -he was fired from his job due to company's cutbacks-.

I was thinking about the distance and how this affects not only the couple's but all the family's bonding.

The first positive reactions of finding a job with a really good remuneration package succeeded the practical issues.  

Should the family follow or not ? 

In my friend's case, they decided not to follow and stay back home.    For many reasons.  The main reason was the country.  For a European family the conditions in a country like Saudi Arabia are much different and objectively speaking it's not the easiest place to adjust and be adapted as I was writing in my yesterday's article.  Of course there are international schools and very luxurious or comfortable compounds, but yet the laws and rules for a woman differentiate a lot from the European/Western ones.

Apart of the deep cultural differences, there are other issues, as safety for example, to be taken into consideration.  There are companies for example that suggest to husbands (in a discreet or not way)  not to bring their families with them due to unstable conditions (like high level of criminality, wars, violation of human rights, etc).

However, no matter what the conditions are, the issue of the distance and how this affects couple's/family's bonding is still a catch.

How could a couple overcome this problem ?  The financial instability is usually the main reason of leaving one country hoping to create something better for the family in another one.  This is the substance and the core concept.

But very soon so many matters pop-up.  The husband has to immediately start be productive and adapted to the new circumstances and suddenly to learn how to live without his loved ones.  On the other side, the wife has again to adjust to the new conditions.  First of all, she has to handle the psychological support of the children missing their dad and trying to understand the new "rules".  Furthermore a really heavy weight on her shoulders is the full responsibility for everything concerns children-home-family.  Let's accept it.  It's much different when we are talking about a shared responsibility and it's much different when someone has it 100%.  There is always the worry, the guilt, the anxiety.  At the same time, a woman should support her husband who's away of his family.  Those things are not easy at all, and whoever has passed it may very well understand.  Being at the same time mom & dad and at the same time the dad becoming a part-time dad is a big issue in all family members' lives. 

Fortunately, in our days technology helps through video calls and smart cell phones.  About 25-30 years ago when my dad was an expat, things were really hard.  We could see him once in a year for approximately 10-15 days, and waiting for his call (he was living in a ship in a harbor in Saudi Arabia) once, maximum twice a month (no cell phones or video calls...).

From my side, yes, as a child I have lived what I am describing above.  I have seen my mom losing her role.  I have seen my dad losing the "touch" with us.  I have seen the family changing.

In any case and as I said before, fortunately things are much better, technology helps and things are not so "harsh" as it used to be.

But no matter what kind of technology someone use, what really helps is the family not to forget its role and try to overcome the difficult parts of this "separation" with mutual encouragement, support and understanding from all parties to all parties.